


Deep inside me: a BaekXing Story

by zyxxabv



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: BaekLay, BaekXing, Break Up, Laybaek, M/M, Sad Ending, Top Zhang Yi Xing | Lay, byunxing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zyxxabv/pseuds/zyxxabv
Summary: Yixing breaks with Baekhyun through a song he sends in a text.Baekhyun is angry and ultimately hurt...





	Deep inside me: a BaekXing Story

_I think it’s kind of fucked up that you are breaking up with me through a song. If you are a man, come and say it in my face._

Sent.

Baekhyun slams his hands on the table and stands up.

He swears he is not going to cry.   
He is not going to cry.  
He is not going to cry.  
And he is fucking crying, as his body starts to tremble and wonders where did they go wrong.   
His lungs and heart shrink and he is feeling dizzy.    
It is hard to breathe when your vital organs are being squeezed. His phone vibrates and it startles him.   
Yixing is calling.   
He picks up.   
“Baekhyun-” Yixing says.   
“Come and say it in my face,” he says, tears rolling down his cheek. “come and say it in my face.”  
Yixing is not responding, but Baekhyun can hear him sob. His heart breaks.   
“are you giving up on me?”   
Yixing sobs harder. “No… but I can’t do this anymore.”    
“Bullshit, then come and say it in my face,” Baek repeats.   
“Oh my God, Baekhyun. What do you want from me?”   
“I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t care about us anymore. That you don’t, that you don’t-“ he hiccups “that you don’t love me anymore.”   
“I DO!” Yixing screams. “FUCK I DO! Did you even listen to the song?  I can’t endure this anymore. This, this that we have.. you are not there for me, I am not there for you. We are clingy and insecure of each other all the time because of the distance. It is better to break up now.”  
“Drag your ass over here and tell me that in my face.”   
“you know that is impossible for me to go to Korea right now.”  
“No. You don’t come because you don’t want to.”  
“FUCK. FUCK YOU BAEKHYUN”   
“FUCK YOU! YIXING!! I SHOULD BE THE ONE BREAKING UP WITH YOU. I should- I should be the one letting you go because all you do is hurt me! You love me enough to let me go? What kind of BULLSHIT is that!? See how I am right!? You don’t come anymore to see me. To see US-"  He knows he is being unfair right now, but his heart is broken and he cannot stop his mouth.  
“LEAVE THE MEMBERS OUT OF THIS” Yixing says angrily.  
“no. it is not just me. It’s all of us. All you do is promise and promise and fucking promise you will come back and you never do! I am the one waiting! I am the one far away from you! I am the one wishing you were here and-“  
“AND WHEN HAVE YOU COME VISIT  ME!? WHEN? ALL YOU DO IS REMIND ME HOW I DON’T GO OVER THERE, HOW I AM NOT WITH YOU ALL BUT HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU ALL COME OVER? To at least see me!!” Yixing's voice breaks. “I try to travel as much as I can even if that means that I don’t get to sleep just to go see you but sometimes you are not even there.”   
Baek regrets mentioning the members because now he is scared.   
“ Are you leaving EXO too!?” his heart stops and his face becomes paler than usual. No. no. No. no. please no.   
“wow. Are you doubting me on that too?”    
“I don’t know Yixing… should I?” He can hear the exasperation and incredulous expression on his face.  
“wow. What if I do? will that make a difference for you all? You seem to be doing fine without me. I am the only one fighting with the company to not fuck up the schedules, but it seems like that’s the purpose.”   
“fuck you Yixing. You don’t know how much Suho fought-!”  
“you are right! I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW! Because you all stopped communicating with me to see if I am alright! To see if I am ok.  
Why DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE REACHING OUT ALL THE TIME? THE ONE TRAVELING BACK? WHEN WILL YOU? YOU ALL HAVE YOUR FAMILIES THERE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR HOMES OVER THERE AND I-”  
“I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR HOME!” he screams.   
“AND WHAT AM I TO YOU BAEKHYUN?” Yixing sobs. “what am I?”   
Baek stays silent. “come and find out.” He finally says.   
Yixing laughs dryly. “what am I to you Baekhyun?”   
“you are the one breaking up with me. What was I to you?” Baek answer back.  
“You are not listening. You are not understanding anything.”   
“then come and make me Yixing,” His voice is four tones down and is breaking, “just come back and say it in my face, because I won't let you break up with me through the phone did you hear me?”   
Yixing cries too. “No. see how you are not listening again? I’m tired of trying. You come here and-”   
Baek trembles. “Will you leave Exo too?” his voice is an audible whisper, and because he is facing the wall, he doesn’t notice when Sehun enters the dorm.   
All he hears is the bag dropping on the floor. He turns around and sees him with his mouth hanging open.    
He mouths “is that Yixing hyung?” Baek nods.  Sehun shakes his head and runs towards him.   
“come here and tell me-” He doesn’t hear Yixing, “Wait, wait, Sehun-!”   
Sehun takes the phone away from his hands and rushes “hyung- Hyung no.” Sehun says, holding his chest.  
“what, what is wrong?” he asks Yixing.  
Baekhyun is lost at words. He didn’t know it would scale this bad. Memories are rushing through his head, and he wants to cry harder.  
If it turns out that Yixing is not only leaving him but leaving EXO too he doesn’t think he would be able to continue with his career.   
Sehun shakes his head. “No hyung, we never stopped thinking about you.” Sehun starts crying and he glares at Baekhyun now. “You know he is crazy. This is why I told you not to date him hyung! Don’t leave us.”   
Baek is dying. He runs his hands over his hair and cries harder.  
Yixing was thinking of leaving.  
Suing the company maybe?   
“Me too hyung. I… I am sorry. I am really sorry. NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Let me talk to Suho hyung and we will-“  Yixing interrupts him. “how can you ask me that when you- oh. Oh Ok. Ok. I will do that. Yes. Uhh ok. I love you too hyung.” He hangs up and Baek gasps.  
“what the fuck!? Why did you hang up!!?”  
“he says that he won’t leave us.” Oh, relief.  
  “what about me?” Baek asks in desperation,  
“ah, I didn’t ask.” Sehun says in a calm voice. He returns the phone and heads towards the door to pick up his bag.   
“AND JUST LIKE THAT YOU HANG UP?!”  
“I don’t know.” Sehun walks pass him towards his room and forgets about Baekhyun’s crushed heart to call Suho.   
Baekhyun throws his hands in the air and crashes on the couch.  
He sobs himself to sleep. When he wakes up he hears everyone talking in Sehun and Suho’s room.   
“I am sure we can make it better. To be honest he is right, we just assumed that he was ok over there.  
Minseok adds “the fandom always says how Lay is not with us, but they never question why we are not with him.”   
“Imagine, he must feel abandoned by our own fandom too,” Kyungsoo adds.  
“yes, but… not us! We could never forget about him!” Kai raises his voice.   
“have we shown him that though?” Suho adds.   
“shh! Don’t wake Baekhyun up” Chanyeol adds in a whisper.  
“this is why I told them not to date!” Chen says.   
“o shut up Jongdae,” Minseok says.   
“I am going to go see him. Who’s coming with me?” Suho says.   
Baekhyun sighs. This is why Suho was the leader.  
He could drop everything at any moment if one of the members was suffering.   
“If we go now, he will think that we are only going because we are scared of him leaving,” Jongdae says.   
“I have been thinking of going to visit, but the fans haven’t given me a chance,” Chanyeol adds.   
“we can send him letters!” Sehun says.   
“shouldn’t we tell Baekhyun?” Chanyeol says.  
“No. When I talked to Yixing, he said they needed space.” Baek covers his mouth. _Wow, he really doesn’t want me anymore._   
“what are we going to do with him and Baekhyun though?” Chanyeol asks again.  
“let’s not interfere with that. Please stay away from their relationship.” Suho says and no one questions him.  
 Baekhyun stands up, and drops his phone on the floor. “sshhhh” one of them whispers.   
Suho comes out of the room. “Hey…” he says in a soft tone.  
Baek looks at him with swollen, red eyes, he cants help but feel broken again.  
The tears are falling. Suho makes an apologetic face and goes to hug him.   
No questions asked.  
Baek opens his arms and rests his face on Suho’s shoulder.  
“Did I lose him Suho? Did I lose him?” Suho hugs him tighter and allows him to cry in his shirt.   
The rest of the members come out and stare at them. “I am breaking” he cries.  
Chanyeol is the second one to come and hug Baekhyun. Next one is Jongin, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Minseok. Sehun just stares at them.  
“This is the reason why he broke up with you.” Chanyeol turns around and glares at the maknae.   
“What? Is the truth! We are all here. You have all the support from us, we all have each other here. He is broken too and who’s hugging him?”   
Kai looks back at him too, finally understanding,  “no one. All he wanted from you is to be understanding too, to meet him halfway at least and make an effort to go see him, just so he has a reassurance that he is also wanted, needed and missed too.”  
“What did I fucking say Sehun!?” Suho says.  
The maknae shakes his head and returns to his room.   
That night Baekhyun stared at his ceiling.   
His chest hurts, feels heavy and hollow at the same time.   
He knows they were heading this way.   
Yixing had always been there for him and Baekhyun just assumed they were alright, that Yixing being there was a given.   
Maybe he was right, maybe Baekhyun needed to show him that he was also wanted, needed and missed too.   
but what if he has someone else already?   
His mind asks and he starts to picture someone else holding his hand,  
someone else hugging him at night,  
someone else being the first one to listen to his songs, and asked for advice and ideas.   
Someone else having his heart and he cannot bear that idea.   
_What if he has someone else because_ I _failed to be there for him too? i failed him_.  
Baekhyun reruns all his conversations for the past 10 months. Whenever Yixing came over, he sometimes would leave him alone in the dorm because of schedules or other things instead of being there with him.   
Lately, he wouldn’t even notice when he arrived at the dorm or left because Yixing always made sure to leave a sign.   
True is that he didn’t know how to be in a long-distance relationship.   
The missed calls, the late messages were all on him.   
Life happens, but life is taking him the willing to live.   
Should he try to fix it or let go? Should he beg on his knees for forgiveness and promise to be a better boyfriend?  
Can he really do that to Yixing? Yixing…lovely Yixing.   
He cannot be selfish anymore.   
If Yixing thinks that it is best to part ways, then it is better to part ways.   
He knows Yixing didn’t mean to harm him, he knows that he has it worse than him.  
Sehun was right.   
Even the fandom questioned him all the time.   
No one put himself on his shoes.    
He failed as a member, as a friend, and as a boyfriend.  
He plugs his earphones and listens to the song again.   
He browses his own playlist and comes up with his own song to send.  
He sends the link to him. To his surprise, the message says “open” as soon as he sends it.    
Baek whispers, “are you also thinking of what to say?” it is pretty late at night but his head won't let him sleep. “I can’t breathe.”   
He starts writing,

“I am sorry for not being there for you.  
I am sorry I didn’t show it enough.   
I am sorry I didn’t tell you enough  
How much I need you and love you.  
I took you for granted because you were always there.  
To be honest I don’t have any experience besides us.   
Besides you, and you have given me the best model of love.  
You have given me the best I thought that receiving it all and let you love me was all I needed to do.   
I’m sorry for being so blind and at times full of myself.   
I’m scared.   
I am doubting myself I feel like I am not good enough for you anymore and I don’t know what I am going to do without you.  
I want to see you so badly,  
I want to tell you all of this in person.  
But If you have decided that it is best for us to break up in order to endure, then fine.   
Because I love you too and I don’t think I will ever stop loving you.   
My soul is tattooed in your skin with permanent ink.  
and whoever touches you will know that you once belonged to me.   
Whoever loves you will know that I loved you first and loved you the most,  
even though silently at what it feels like the other side of the world.   
My heart is still in your hands, and I want you to keep it,  
because I don’t and I won’t give you back yours.”   
  
He hits send.

Yixing reads it right away.

His heart falls to the floor.

He stares at his phone for the longest time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yixing doesn’t answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this work's name was "hasta la raiz"


End file.
